The Musings of a Ketonian

How’d You Do That?

You will start to hear this a lot. I do. And I always give the simple story: keto. It’s quick and simple. But it’s not exactly the whole story. Like all of us, there is more to my story. Keto is the truthful answer, of course, but no one has time to listen to the full story. Well, no one except you, dear reader. I hope you’re in your comfy chair with a nice cup of frothy BPC. I’m in the mood to tell my tale. I was born many years ago, in the magical country called Texas. I’m just kidding. You

15

Feb
Is This Normal?

I started on a Wednesday, and I was constipated by Friday. Is that normal? I lost ten pounds the first week. Is this normal? Im thirsty all the time. That’s normal, right? I didn’t lose anything the second week. Please tell me that’s normal! I’m losing my mind and that ain’t normal. Perhaps I need to do some relaxing, single nostril breathing. I saw on the news that helps. So what the heck is normal? The government food pyramid is normal, I know that for sure. But my pyramid is upside down. I

12

Feb
Is Keto a Diet?

I wanted to share what keto actually is. I see a lot of weird interpretations out there. Keto is short for ketosis. (Groundbreaking, no?) Ketosis is when your liver is producing ketones for energy. That’s all it is. It isn’t a diet or a plan or a $50 bottle of stuff. “I, Joe Shmoe with six pack abs, want you to follow my proven six week plan to a new you! It’ll only cost you $499!” Yeah... you know that’s a lie. But we got fat and we know something needs to change. Now! And then we get

06

Feb
I am an Expert.

Perhaps you have read about me in the section titled, strangely enough, ‘About Me’. I’m very clear about my bona fides and qualifications. I am not a scientist nor a priest. Although, the way some folks speak, I’m having difficulty discerning between the two. No. I am an expert. I have special authority about all things me. This occasionally puts me in the uncomfortable position of disagreement with authorities in a particular field. It hardly seems fair that these good people spent years of

31

Jan

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23 Dec, 2017

My name is Chris. I don’t count calories.

I know I know.. that’s heretic speak. I ask you to wait a moment before grabbing the torches and pitchforks, while I explain. Years ago Judge Judy was screaming at some girl about how losing weight is simple, eat less than you burn. Calories in calories out. At that moment I said out loud, “Where the F*#< did you get your medical degree?” So I started my investigation. A calorie, just one, is the amount of energy to raise temperature of one gram of water one degree Celsius. That’s the simple
23 Dec, 2017

Doughnut whispers.

As far as I know, I am not a crack addict. Unless your description of crack sounds a lot like my description of an apple fritter. In which case, you can call me Crackhead Chris. I'm not kidding...those things will take me down. You'd find me face down, outside a doughnut shop, in a sugar coma. It's kryptonite. I'm not alone in this. We all have our food nemesis out there. Lurking in the bushes outside our window. They haven't invented the home security system that is sensitive enough to keep
22 Dec, 2017

Bullet Proof Coffee

We all pretty much agree it’s butter and coconut oil blended in coffee. That, I believe, is all we agree upon. I add salt. Some folks add cream. Weirdos add stevia. (I’m kidding. Don’t send pics of your guns) Somedays, like today, I invoke the Nuclear Option. First, let me say this. I have an odd relationship with coffee. I was raised in a Mormon household and never tasted it. Coffee was the smell of my Mammaw and Pappaw’s house. Until my freshman year when the bishops daughter bought me a cup

The Musings of a Ketonian

How’d You Do That?

Is This Normal?

Is Keto a Diet?

I am an Expert.

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